Part of My Path

I wish to share a portion of my testimony, and in doing so, give you a window into my walk with God.

From the beginning of my salvation I’ve had great highs and lows in my walk. When I was a very new Christian, I was so on fire for God I felt like I was walking off the ground. We began to attend a church and quickly became members. 

Within a few months, there was a group of men I had come to respect that seemed to put forth a great deal of effort to put out that fire in my spirit. I didn’t understand, but was disillusioned with who I had thought those men were in Christ. 

I quickly learned these men were there to promote and gain in their business dealings. Again, further disappointment. The Preacher in the church was truly a called man of God or I probably would have fallen away much sooner, but instead, I focused on continuing my walk and doing what I could in the church. 

Two years after my salvation, I went through an intense study for three years that would eventually give me great strength and faith, but all that came with unbelievable struggle and torment. (I won’t go into the topic of the study here.) 

Time went on and I became disillusioned with even more men I previously respected.

(I’m going to try and make a few very important points in this writing. I'll point them out as I go.)

I ended up taking a job that required us to move to another state. So we left the church and our home and began a new journey. Allow me to give you a bit of history…

There are two things I can say about myself, one is God blessed me with a very capable mind. 

In times past I may have said it was a curse, but over time, I have come to realize it is such a great gift that mere words cannot express my thankfulness. 

This gift has allowed me to excel in most everything I become involved in. Being somewhat above average in athleticism had been a benefit as well. (A man once commented that I was very smart. I told him the greatest benefit was it allowed me to see my shortcomings.)

Second is, I have had a desire to teach for as long as I can remember. It didn’t matter what it was - if I knew it, I wanted to teach it (little did I know this was training). I credit this to God and some great teachers I had the privilege of knowing in my life. The greatest of whom is my Aunt on my father’s side of the family. 

Before I entered kindergarten she taught me to read and type. What an incredible leg up that gives a child from the beginning of their education. So the more I learned through the years, the more I would teach. 

This culminated over time to where I was teaching the teachers and training the trainers.

Having a heart to teach comes with a desire to learn. I love to learn! I will research and study with tenacity to the point I am either satisfied with the knowledge I’ve gained or get to where I believe there is no benefit in continuing my study. 

This has also been of great benefit in my walk with God. (Side note) I want to impart a bit of wisdom I’ve gained through my studies and teaching — Schools are there to teach basics, and the most important is this: schools are there to teach you how to learn! After that, you must educate yourself if you are to excel in your endeavors. This is something I have tried to instill in all my students over the years.

Back to my story… 

Moving had placed me back in the world of the military as a contractor.

At this point I was still relatively a babe in my walk with God, and in that, I had many weaknesses I had not yet overcome.

Not long after the move we joined a church and were there for a short time. Looking back I see God was executing His plan in my life through this.

We ended up joining another church that had a man in the pulpit who was truly called by God. Through this man’s preaching, many preachers and teachers were called. This was a boon in my Christian walk and understanding. 

After a few years I began teaching the adult men’s class and that prompted me to study and learn even more. God was training up His child. A principal of Heaven, not just a verse concerning the learnings of children. God trains His children if we have a heart to learn and grow. 

But understand this… Satan will train you up too, if you allow him to do it. Moving on… 

Throughout my Christian life, I’ve had times of being very close to God, praying often and reading His Word. Then there were times God seemed far away and I felt distant and stagnant… maybe nonproductive is a better term. During those distant times I wasn’t growing or learning or teaching, it seemed I was just existing. 

Please realize, because of my immaturity in my Christian walk, I still had many weaknesses, and they hindered me far more often than I care to admit. I liken it to children going through growth spurts. I would have times of growth and times of stagnation or even backsliding at times. “A dog always returns to its vomit.” Not a pretty picture, but true!

Understand, I have seen people that I thought were strong Christians turn out to be the opposite. I’ve seen men stand behind a pulpit when they had no business being there. I’ve seen people put forth great effort to gain a position in a church to fluff their own egos only to cause great turmoil in the church. I’ve witnessed a church split and watched a called man of God move on through another door God had opened for him. I’ve seen called men become prideful and develop haughty spirits. I’ve watched some fall and know that others will soon. And I am not immune to sin myself.

After the church split, a new man was brought in to preach. He turned out to be a poor decision. This man had chosen preaching as a career path instead of being called by God to preach.

A point to be learned from all this is that I had put my faith in people. That’s a big mistake! I do depend on a few folks today and trust them, but my faith is in God through these people and not faith in them alone. For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.

So I decided to leave the church to just spend some alone time with God, and grow in my walk. Except that isn’t what I did. In actuality, I began wandering in my personal desert. And like the people of Israel, I wasn’t satisfied and remained wandering far too long. 

We as humans are odd creatures. We can know what we need to do to fix an issue, but not do anything about it for a long time. Or even never do anything about it at all. And so I wandered for several years yearning to be back in that place where I was so close to God it felt like He was at my side. 

To allow you all to comprehend this time of wandering I must explain some events and happenings that occurred during that time. 

Not long into my wandering my stepfather passed. This was hard on my mother, sister and I. My Mother-in-law had moved from Texas to be close to us. A few years later she developed full blown diabetes and needed quite a bit of assistance from my wife. God, however, was working. 

Ok folks, listen to what I am about to tell you and try to understand from a spiritual perspective…

When our oldest grandson was 6 we got a new puppy (Macy). A very large breed puppy, and she was one of a litter of five, three males and two females. She instantly became a cherished member of our family and still is. Little did we know God’s plan was in action and there were some tragic events looming in our future. 

We had become friends with the folks we got Macy from, and talked to them via email often. Little did I know, things were going to change far beyond my imagination! God was about to send us an angel that would be greatly needed soon enough. (A lesson to all — Do not ever believe that an angel cannot appear in any form they wish!)

One day, about a year and a half after we got Macy, we got a phone call from the lady we got her from. The lady asked if we would be interested in taking Macy’s brother Benny. This poor dog had been shuffled around from home to home and it had nothing to do with his behavior. He had been purchased by a lady that lost her business and had to give him up and was taken in by a family that had one of his male siblings already. Well, they didn’t get along so great, because the other male was protective over their son. 

We immediately agreed to take Benny, having met him before, and a couple of days later made the trip to pick him up. Now I will once again caution you to not allow your human side to interfere with your spiritual understanding over what you are about to read.

Psalm 91:11-12 “For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.”

So we brought Benny to our home, slightly concerned as to how our other dogs might take his presence. We had Macy, a female Labrador we called Bug, a cockatiel, and a male blue heeler named Mickey. If you have ever been around Australian cattle dogs you understand they are cantankerous animals that tend to be one person dogs who tolerate other members of the family and no one else. 

As a matter of fact, if you came to our home and your presence was not a common occurrence, then Mick would give you a cautionary bite on the calf to let you know where he figured your standing was in the presence of his family. 

To our surprise, everyone just took to Benny instantly. Now our bird would fuss and screech every time any of our dogs got anywhere near its cage, but not with Benny. It became undeniably obvious that there was something very different and special about Benny. When he was close, you just felt this unexplainable sense of comfort.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people commented on the gentleness of his presence. Benny rapidly became my best friend and he would even climb his big self up into my oversized recliner with me (all 170 lbs of him) and just lay there wanting to be close. But his favorite thing seemed to be sitting by my chair with his paw in my hand. He would sit there and stare into my eyes as if to try and convey his love or my importance to him.

There was a stray orange Tom cat that wandered up one day, then it just walked right into the yard with Benny and the other dogs. 

Within just a couple of days it would curl up against Benny and sleep with him. Benny would also cuddle on the floor with my wife, laying that big head in her lap and staying there for long periods of time. There was at the time what we called an uncanny presence of love that surrounded Benny, and everyone and everything showed that they understood it. 

Yes, we believe Benny was not a dog but an Angel sent to us through a series of strange circumstances to be present when we would need him the most! To be honest, I will go to my grave knowing that God has sent us an Angel. 

So a couple years passed, and things began to unravel in our lives. I walked in the house one day after work and Benny met me at the door a bit out of the norm, and suddenly the phone rang. It was a doctor in Texas explaining my mother-in-law had a heart attack while visiting friends and they were performing CPR on her and wanted permission to treat her further. 

Of course I told them to do any and everything they could. My wife was on her way home so I called her and explained the current situation. I remember Benny sitting beside me leaning on my leg while I was on the phone with the Doctor and with my wife. When my wife arrived, I handed her the phone and the contact number so she could call and be apprised of the situation.

I watched as she sat down on the couch and dialed the phone. Benny went to her and placed his head in her lap knowing what was happening. Of course my wife was deeply troubled throughout the evening and night. Benny never left her side.

She was able to speak to her mother late that night and it seemed like things were going to be ok. But sadly the next morning while we were at work my wife called me crying and said her mother had another heart attack and they were doing CPR on her again at the hospital. 

I rushed over to her place of employment and was there when the call came in that her mom had passed. This was a devastating event. Her mom was very close to the whole family. When we arrived home, Benny met my wife at the door and placed his head on her chest as if he knew exactly what had happened. I remember watching and thinking how I wasn’t even surprised that he knew, and in a way expected it. 

The next several days passed and Benny clung to my wife, comforting her the best he possibly could. I would sit and hold my wife and Big Benny would be there with us. Little did we know this was only the beginning. Exactly thirty days later, it was the Friday after Mother’s Day. I had gone through my typical routine of a shower, getting dressed for work and making my coffee when Benny uncharacteristically walked between me and the cabinet and looked up at me with sad eyes. 

I remember bending down and placing my face on the side and asking him what was wrong. He licked the side of my face, then the phone rang just before I was about to walk out the door. It was my sister. Now my sister and I have always been very close but talking on the phone isn’t something we ever do much. I could hear the desperation in her voice when she told me our mother had collapsed and was being med-flighted to the hospital and that they were on the way from the house to the hospital as we spoke. 

Now I live three hours away from the hospital my mom was being transported to and didn’t want to be on the road trying to keep up with the situation while driving. I told my sister to call me back when she got there and let me know what was going on. Without going into details, my Mom passed away in flight and they were unable to revive her due to a blood clot in her lung. 

I felt stunned like my breath had been taken after a massive punch in my gut. I went to my knees. Benny, who was still there by me, placed a paw on my shoulder and like a booming speaker in my head, I heard the words of scripture ring out “be still and know that I am God.” 

The day was not finished. Later that very day we learned that my wife’s uncle had fallen cleaning the church and hit his head a few days earlier and had been rushed to the hospital the previous night. We were told nothing could be done and they sent him home to die, which he did on that same day. Over and over through the next few days that passage of scripture rang in my heart and mind. Be Still and know that I am God. I dove, heart & mind, deep into the scriptures to learn everything God’s Word had to say about death. 

I couldn’t comprehend the strange overwhelming sense of comfort I had. Oh, my mother’s passing was devastating, but I wasn’t grieving like we often think of grieving and I somewhat had a sense of guilt for that seeming lack of grief.

Note: discussing this section of writing with my wife she said “it was such a supernatural time. I felt like God had wrapped me in bubble wrap.”

And it truly was a supernatural time. Through my study on death, I came to a wonderful knowledge that removed any fear of dying I might have had. I began to look forward to the day I would be reunited with my God in Heaven!  I had presided over my mother-in-law’s funeral and was about to give a message at my own mother’s as well. Mom’s service was beautiful and it was standing room only. A testament of how many had been touched by this wonderful woman. 

Backing up, my mother-in-law’s funeral service was beautiful also and the members of her church made us feel like family.

God again was looking out for us. The preacher and congregation at my mothers church had arranged a wonderful gathering to support our family at this time. These folks, whom I did not know, loved us as one of their own and I am still in contact with that preacher to this day. 

One of my uncles who had been diagnosed with cancer ended up passing in November. From April to November we had lost 4 close family members. Just after Christmas I was informed that my father had been diagnosed with cancer and had tumors throughout his body. All the while Benny was comforting us and seemed to understand the things that were happening. 

The following summer I guess my wife and I had gained enough strength in God that Benny’s presence was no longer needed. He developed epilepsy and a few months later passed during a series of continuous seizures. I may sound strange to those that don’t understand, but we were so devastated and had such a great sense of loss from his passing.

Like I said, we knew why he had been sent to us and his purpose, and I believe that knowledge increased the sense of loss. But we had gained a great deal of understanding and witnessed the workings of the Kingdom of Heaven and that eventually eased the pain.

The following spring we purchased a larger farm in another county, a beautiful place with a large nice brick home. We knew we had been blessed by God to find it because we had been in prayer over finding a new place for a year.

I still felt as if I was distant from God, like somehow I had walked away and couldn’t seem to find my way back. But I had a burning desire to be close to God again; to feel the presence of my Father at my side. 

Fast forward two years, I was praying and watching sermons on tv & online fairly often, still seeking God’s presence. A bit of insight…

I had been making a mistake I didn’t understand until later. Luke 19:10 says “for the Son of man has come to seek and save that which is lost.”

See, I had been seeking Him instead of just calling out and waiting for Him to find me and bring me back into His flock. Sometimes we don’t know how to Be Still. Isn’t that what a good shepherd does? When one of his sheep strays he goes and finds them and brings them back.

One day I was walking over to my shop just talking to God when a revelation hit me. In man’s world I had many accomplishments and had gained the respect of many of my peers, but I had strayed from God. I began to realize all the things I had accomplished in my career, in reality meant nothing. Nothing at all when it came to the Kingdom of Heaven. All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to serve God; to serve and be of some benefit to His Kingdom and never again serve myself. 

There is a hymn that says, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His Glory and Grace.” 

I heard that hymn in my head as I was talking to God. Now I’m not a music person so for me to hear a hymn ring in my mind was something special. 

How true the words of this hymn are, my desire had become a desire to serve and in that moment I felt God’s presence. I wept and began to pray and ask God to show me how and where I could serve Him. It soon came to me that the one area of service that was really lacking was praying and supporting God’s called preachers, teachers and missionaries. 

I started praying multiple times a day for the God-called preachers and teachers, some by name, and then those across this nation and all of creation. I do this daily, morning and night. 

During this process I began to watch sermons everyday.  I may watch as many as five in any given day, plus I have increased my study and continually converse with God. I began sharing my learnings with the man I still consider my Pastor and my dear Brother, Jeff. He began to tell me I needed to write all this down. After a month or so of coaxing, I began to write. I began teaching and counseling through my writings and messages kept coming through the prompting of the Holy Spirit. 

There is seldom more than a couple of days that go by that I don’t get prompted to write. But I’m not bashful about asking God to send me a message that He wants me to write. I love this service. It brings me more joy than I have ever experienced in my life and I never want to stop. I pray that I may serve the Lord my God for all the days of my Life!

The point I’m trying to make in this section is that if you feel distant from God because you have strayed, just be still and ask God to see you. He will find His sheep and His sheep will know His voice!

If I could ask God to give one thing to all those who are called by Him, it would be that all would have a desire to serve.

Thank you, Father, for all that you do and all that you are. In Jesus’ name, for the Glory of your Holy name’s sake, and in the name of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Kenneth Kellar
A Man Called by God to Teach and Disciple